As a Therapist
I was chatting with my best friend about Blogish and future posts. She shared that she would be very interested in hearing an honest account about how, as a therapist, after everything I hear from my clients each day, I still have emotional space left over for people in my life. I didn’t have an immediate answer and started to give this some serious thought.
I first considered my friend’s question in the context of separating my professional life from my personal life. I’ve been a therapist in some capacity since 2012, and I have been a Registered Psychologist for just over six years. I have worked with community clinics, providing services to a wide range of clients. At the beginning of doing this work, I recall talking to professors and supervisors about boundaries and self-care to manage the heaviness that can accompany this job. Many recommendations included choosing a symbolic “checkpoint” to leave my workday when I was going home from work and making sure that I had ways of taking care of myself (exercise, baths etc.) These all gave me a great start in maintaining separation between work and home and are routines that I have kept. My husband is also a psychologist. We have created important boundaries for ourselves about the amount of time we spend discussing work at home to not drain ourselves and impede too much on our home life. Ultimately, having to use similar skills that I teach my clients, such as grounding and mindfulness, has played a huge role in focusing my attention on my own life and away from the stories I take in each day.
More challenging is the skill to be deliberate and present in my sessions. Training I have done has taught me that if I am to be as effective as possible with clients, I must be present and aware of them and our interactions. I must have the self-awareness to know when I am distracted by my responses and emotions to bring my focus back to the room and their needs. This mindfulness serves as providing the best care for my clients and has the side-effect of protecting me from being too emotionally drained by my work.
The second part of my friend’s question was, “what impact if any being a therapist has had on your personality/interactions with people close to you?” She had questioned if the word personality was the right fit and indicated that she meant more about how it has impacted my interactions with people in my life. But I do think that being a psychologist has changed my personality in some ways. After years in this work, I am a much more introverted person, needing more quiet time at home to re-energize from my workday. I have grown to appreciate my commute home significantly as an opportunity to transition out of my work mindset. When I provide support or feedback, I stay mindful of being their friend or family member. I have had to learn to say no to social invites, to step away from my phone and not give in to the urge to respond to messages immediately.
I have always valued being a supportive person in my friends’ lives, listening, providing suggestions, or just being a sounding board. This quality is still critical to me, but I have had to adjust my capacity and intentionality. I am mindful that I don’t want to slip into responses that would come from a therapist. This is again where I must be cognizant of my emotional and mental energy. To be a good friend or family member, I must recognize the times when I am not in the headspace to be present and engaged. I sometimes still experience guilt when I choose to be away from my phone or let someone know that I cannot chat; however, I recognize that ultimately I will be a better support to them when my bucket is fuller.
In early December, I had a session with a client I’ve been working with for a while, and one of the primary skills he has learned is to ground himself by pressing his feet into the floor and using some encouraging self-talk. At the end of this particular session, he told me he had some homework for me. He said that after our session, he wanted me to put my feet on the ground, breathe and remind myself, “I’m a good person; I did something good for someone today and what I do matters.” In the moment, I laughed with him about being assigned homework as the therapist, but then I took it seriously. While I am not in this job for praise or acknowledgment, it is warming and encouraging to have this kind of reminder from others. I think this type of small habit will help to ground and re-energize me. It will help me be reminded of why I do the work that I do and keep my bucket full. If I can do that, then I can ensure balance, energy and presence for the people in my life who matter the most to me.
So yes, my job has changed me. But I do not believe this is such a terrible thing. It has offered me the opportunity to practice what I preach, to be more mindful, say no without guilt (okay, less guilt), and live according to values and character traits that I have identified as paramount to me and my life.
January 02, 2021